Can everyone please stop telling women to practice “self-care” with pedicures, candles, and bubble baths?
The phrase “self-care” used to make my eyes roll. I couldn’t help it. The term conjured images of spa days, long bath soaks, freshly manicured nails, and other “treats” that are supposed to make us feel better.
How often are these ideas promoted by companies trying to sell another beauty treatment or experience? When time and money are scarce, they all feel like a waste of both. Even worse, some of these experiences leave me feeling more stressed because I know I don’t have the capacity for them.
That was before I discovered the truth about self-care. It is not a one-time fix. It’s a commitment to regular rhythms that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Sure, we should be allowed to spend some time and money on a treat for ourselves occasionally. If manicures improve your mood, by all means, allow yourself to enjoy them! That can be part of your self-care plan. The problem is that these ideas are only surface-level, temporary fixes to deeper feelings like being overwhelmed and stressed. They are not long-term, sustainable self-care solutions. We might enjoy a bubble bath, but we step out of the water and back into all the chaos, feelings, and anything else we’re trying to escape.
We need self-care habits that address our heart, body, mind, and soul. We need actions we can do regularly that help us find the inner peace and rest we crave.
Here are eight self-care habits that could help you and me manage the chaos when life feels out of control.
- Prioritize spiritual health
As a Christ-follower, spiritual health is the base of my overall well-being. My connection with God affects my mental, physical, and emotional health.
Taking time to connect with God every day is vital for optimal health. Just like any relationship, our relationship with God takes intention and regular conversation. If we neglect that relationship, its strength and power diminish.
I feel it when I go days or weeks without conversing with God (which includes reading the Bible, prayer, and scripture mediation). It shows in my outlook, attitude, and even my physical health.
If Jesus is my light and I begin to wander from that light, I walk increasingly in darkness. Your darkness may look different from mine, but walking in darkness for me is a lot like fear, anger, cynicism, a critical spirit, self-consciousness, social anxiety, and confusion every day.
I don’t have to live that way. He has called me to light, joy, peace, and confidence. To walk in light and be a light, I must stay in the light by prioritizing my spiritual health.
2. Make time for solitude
The idea of solitude is almost laughable with children in the house. Yet, it may be more necessary than ever during the mom stage of life.
Solitude often helps us process thoughts and feelings, gives us time to think, opens the door to new ideas, and brings respite to our overwhelmed minds.
Don’t think I’m suggesting hours of alone time. You will always be lacking if you’re waiting for large chunks of time to find solitude. Try to find 15 or 30 minutes of solitude every day. Spend those moments doing something that brings you life, joy, or peace. If you need ideas on finding solitude or what to do with it, check out this blog post.
3. Find time for friends
Just like everyone needs some solitude, we also need community. Life is busy. It’s easy to get caught up in the little world of our own home and family. Finding and building friendships outside that world takes extra effort, but it opens our eyes to a broader view of life.
So reach out to friends for lunch, dinner, coffee, or a walk in the park. Mix it up by inviting friends you are close to and new friends you want to know better. If it’s hard to get out of the house, invite them to come to you!
Look for opportunities to get to know more people in your everyday places, whether it’s the ballfield, a local coffee shop, church, or gym.
Check out this post for more ideas and inspiration on building a community.
4. Eat healthy and move more
This is one tip I struggle with most. My health habits run very hot and cold. My eating and exercise habits are good for a while. Then, I’ll binge on Oreos and Instagram reels every night. Even though I’m not perfect, I know how much my health habits impact my mood and energy level.
When I feel drained and sluggish for more than a week, my first response is to examine my food intake. Those are usually the times I’m living off sugar and pre-packaged foods.
Finding time to exercise is difficult, but I feel my best when doing it regularly. Whether it’s an entire gym session, a short walk, or a few minutes of yoga, I think consistency is the key to reaping the most benefits from moving our bodies.
5. Allow more margin
A busy schedule leads to stress and overwhelm faster than almost anything else. When my schedule is too full, I end up late and unprepared for every appointment, which leaves me feeling like a failure all day. I feel like I’m running full force all day, then crash and burn at the end of the night. I need time to stop and breathe, process the events, and mentally prepare for what’s next.
Society pressures us to fill every moment with productivity. Every second has to count, but we discount the value of margin for our mental health.
Give yourself plenty of time between appointments. I prefer to have at least an hour from the end of one meeting to the start of another. Or, try your best to limit yourself to 1-3 appointments daily (meetings, doctor visits, fun outings, etc.). It always seems we need more time than we think.
6. Simplify spaces and declutter
Just like a cluttered schedule overwhelms our time, a cluttered space can dominate our minds. Clutter distracts our brains and makes it difficult to focus on important tasks.
“Several studies show a correlation between disorganization, clutter, and mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and stress. Messy environments can cause frustration, helplessness, and feeling overwhelmed,” according to this article in Psychology Today.
At the end of a work day, when you’re pushing to finish all your tasks, it can feel like a waste of time to clean up your desk. But how does it feel to start a day with a tidy space versus being greeted by a messy desk?
At home, when you are overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and don’t know where to start, try starting with tidying up, throwing away trash, and bagging up items that no longer serve a purpose in your life. Clearing the clutter helps clear your mind. Taking a few minutes to tidy and declutter gives your mind space to breathe.
7. Prioritize sleep
Sleep benefits our mind and body, and most don’t get enough. It can be challenging, but prioritizing sleep helps us feel our best.
Be intentional about your bedtime routine to ensure you’re getting the sleep you need. This means you may have to leave some things undone. For example, I know it takes me about an hour to shower and wind down mentally from the day. if I want to go to bed by 10:30 every night, I have to complete all my tasks by the time my kids go to sleep between 8 and 9:30 p.m.
Anything undone (looking at you, dirty dishes, leftover work, and decluttering projects) at 9:30 p.m. remains undone until the next day.
While I love to complete my to-do list and wake up to a clean kitchen and tidy home, I know I am not the wife and mother I want to be when I am short on sleep. If relationships are my top priority, sleep must also be a priority.
8. Time blocking
If you’ve heard of time blocking, you have probably heard people rave about how much it helps with productivity. For anyone who might not be familiar with it, time blocking is when you purposefully set aside portions of time to focus on different aspects of daily life. You probably already do this to some degree. You may just need to be a little more thoughtful and intentional about it. For example, you could set aside a block of time for work, a block for playing with your kids, and a block for house cleaning. You could even section portions of your work time for specific tasks.
Time blocking has been super helpful in my work life. I typically set aside 30 minutes in the morning to check email and block certain days or a couple of hours each day to focus on one project or client at a time. This helps ensure I have concentrated time to get the most done rather than bouncing from one project to another every few minutes. Every time we switch gears in our work, whether of our own choosing or outside interruptions, we lose momentum in productivity because it takes time for our brains to refocus.
So, I block time and make myself stick to those blocks. I do not look at emails if I’m in a writing block. I don’t answer text messages. I don’t work on graphic designs. If an idea outside of writing pops up in my mind or on my computer screen, I take a brief note about it and tuck it away, knowing I will have another block of time to focus on that later.
Similarly, if I’m in a work block, I tell my children how long I will be working and that I cannot play during this time. They are more apt to be content by themselves for a while because they know I will be available to play with them soon.
Allowing myself more focused time for each area of importance in my life makes me more productive and makes time with my family more meaningful.
It’s not a new concept, but it’s an essential part of self-care for me.
Do you have other self-care ideas to add to this list? Share them in the comments below so we can learn from each other!
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