Why is it so hard to make time for relationships as an adult? I get to the end of the week and notice I haven’t called my mom. The month comes and goes, and family night or date night never happened. December rolls around, and I realize I haven’t seen or talked to my longtime friend all year (or longer). I find myself asking, “How does this happen?”  Has anyone else experienced this?

I truly love these people. I feel their absence in my heart when we don’t stay in touch. Yet, I still get caught up in daily life and forget to reach out. Maintaining adult relationships is difficult. With ever-increasing responsibilities, daily routines and tasks easily dominate every spare moment. Anything out of routine gets pushed to the backburner … again and again.

If we want to maintain relationships with people we care about, we must intentionally nurture them. Strong bonds don’t just happen on their own. This year, let’s build time for relationships in our calendars before they get overloaded.

The calendar part is important. While our intentions are good, remembering to make phone calls, send check-in texts, schedule lunch dates, and plan family time is hard. Why don’t we add these reminders to our calendars and commit to them, just like medical check-ups or work meetings? Here are five dates busy moms need on their calendars now that will help them remember to nurture the important relationships in their lives.

1. Family time 

Put date nights with your spouse on your calendar for the rest of the year or at least the next couple of months. Go ahead and line up a babysitter for those dates. Make sure your spouse has the date reserved on his calendar. You could take it a step further and purchase event tickets or make dinner reservations, if possible. However, the most important matter is to get it on the calendar. Even if all you do is have a picnic and walk in the park, you are spending quality time together. 

My husband and I go out on a date once a month. Thankfully, my parents live nearby and love for our kids to spend the night during these dates. Since we are balancing several different schedules (ours and my parents), we can’t plan a full year. But over the years, we have made it a habit to schedule it with my parents at the beginning of each month.

I find family time particularly easy to forget. Maybe it’s because we see each other every day, but how often is that time interrupted by screens, ball practice, chores, or late work nights? Quite a bit. Family time doesn’t have to be a big ordeal. It just needs to be intentional. So whether it’s once a week or once a month, put family time on the calendar. If you need ideas, check out this post.

2. Mom dates

The most influential people in your life are probably your parents. I know each person has a different relationship with their parents, and some are strained. But if your parents are around and still an important part of your life, don’t miss the opportunity to build a relationship with them in adulthood.

Talk to your mom (or dad or mentor) and decide when you can realistically spend time with them on a regular basis. Maybe you have lunch together every Thursday or meet for a walk during your child’s dance lessons.

My mom and I plan dinner dates together each month (at the same time we plan date nights for me and my husband). We usually eat and window shop or walk. I try to keep this time child-free so mom and I can freely talk, but I have come with babies in tow when I had no other choice. These times with my mom are life-giving. If we ever miss a month, I feel it!

3. Check-in phone calls and texts

Sometimes, when we can’t always see someone in person, a phone call or text message will help maintain your connection with them. Make a calendar date for these messages, just like you would an in-person meeting. You could plan to call your grandmother or aunt every Saturday morning. If you know a friend is having a major life event (surgery, wedding, moving homes, etc.), add the date of the event on your calendar AND the dates you want to check in with a phone call or text.

4. Hosted gatherings

Do you plan to host people periodically? Like family nights, a hosted gathering doesn’t have to be a formal dinner party (unless that’s your thing!). This can include your children’s birthday parties, a potluck dinner and game night with friends, a Fall or Christmas tea (child or adult version!), a children’s playdate at your house, a simple tailgate party with family, or inviting the neighbor over for s’mores around your backyard fire pit.

I want to do more of these laid-back gatherings this year. I feel they are a great way to grow closer to people or just become better acquainted with families in our church and community. 

What kind of gatherings do you like to host? I would love to share ideas!

5. Friend dates

Friend dates probably take the back burner most often. When it comes to our limited time, family, health, and work usually take priority. Friends are an important part of life, though. I have found that when I schedule friend dates in advance, I can work everything else from that day around it. It makes it easier to follow through on that commitment. Conversely, if I wait until Tuesday or Wednesday to plan dinner with a friend that week, my evenings are most likely already filled. Sometimes that works, but more often than not, it doesn’t.

Does anyone else find this to be true?

Can you go ahead and ask to catch up with a friend over dinner a month from now? Maybe you can even see if they would be up for planning regular monthly lunch dates with you. Some other busy friends would probably appreciate it! You not only take the planning pressure off both of you, but you also show them how important they are in your life.

Some may look at you like you’re crazy, and that’s OK. If you’re afraid a year of scheduled friend time will feel overwhelming to them, make the planning covert. Decide how often you want to catch up with them. Then, add notes to your calendar to remind you to reach out to them during that timeframe. For example, if you want to have dinner with a friend at least 3-4 times per year, you can make a note at the beginning of each quarter to text them and ask for a date.

Understand your time limits

Just like any goal, we have to be realistic about what we can do. Sure, you would love to have lunch with your bestie every week or call your mom every day, but that may not be possible. Maybe you can meet a friend for lunch once a month. Or maybe it’s once a quarter. Maybe you can’t call your mom every night, but it would be possible to check in once a week. Either way, the key is being intentional. If we don’t plan and manage our time, the most important relationships will slip through our fingers while we’re grasping at all the urgent and routine matters of each day. 

If someone is important in your life, don’t wait until you FEEL like chatting or a lunch or dinner date to reach out to them. If you do, it’s more likely it will never happen. If there’s someone you want to see or talk to more this year, go ahead and plan when you will do it. 

Do you have any insight or strategies on how you maintain relationships? I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below!