Every time chaos seems to reign at home, we have two choices – fight it or embrace it.
Embrace the chaos.
Sometimes, it’s the only way to stay sane or maintain good relationships. When I fight it, I become short-tempered, bitter, and anxious. When I accept it, I find more patience, grace, and fun with my children and myself.
When we are rushing out the door for the third baseball game of the week, I tell myself to “just embrace the chaos.” I know I’ll enjoy being outside and cheering for my children and their friends. I love to see their faces when they get excited during a game!
When I try to involve my kids in baking projects and there’s flour and sprinkles all over the floor and the cake is lopsided, I choose to laugh. I might as well. Memories last longer than messes anyway.
When we’re all stuck inside on a rainy day, the kids are running rampant, squealing and screaming, and the living room is a wreck with a half-broken down blanket fort and two dozen Nerf bullets scattered all over the floor, I take a deep breath and remind myself to embrace the chaos. It’s a chance to bond over play or get work done while they play. Either way, I get to later teach them how to clean up after themselves.
Define your victory
Embracing the chaos may sound like a resignation of defeat, but it’s really not.
It depends on your definition of victory.
Kids have a way of changing that definition. Without kids, I imagine a successful life for me would include a relaxing bedtime routine and eight hours of peaceful sleep. It would be easing into the day by enjoying a full cup of hot coffee and an hour of uninterrupted quiet time.
Success would be hopping in the car for a spontaneous Saturday adventure and regular Sunday afternoon naps.
I would have time to read every night, practice painting and piano, and master homemade bread. I would be always efficient and effective at my work, never forgetful, and never late. (OK, the last bit may be a stretch even without kids.)
Change your dream
One of the most difficult struggles of parenthood is breaking up with our dream-self. There’s a mourning process that comes with letting go of the life we think we want – the life we think we could have … if not for kids.
Kids always in our space.
Kids always needing something.
Kids always interrupting our life.
But there’s also freedom in letting go. Every time we start to feel overwhelmed, we can choose to change our definition of victory. What if success is not a tidy life? What if it is bonding over bedtime stories or hugs and kisses before heading off to school each morning. Success can be walking with your child through a difficult situation and teaching them how to handle victory and failure. It can be seeing your child choose faith over fear.
It can be raising a new generation of adults with the hope that they can change the world.
Rediscover yourself
Success can be rediscovering yourself and the joys that add spice and color to your life.
Truth is, without kids, I might be more effective and efficient at work, but could I really do any work more fulfilling than raising a new generation of leaders? Without kids, I might have more time for personal hobbies, but who would I share them with?
Without kids, I might have more peace and quiet, but I would miss so much adventure.
To me, the best part of having children has been reconnecting with my inner child – the one who still loves Disney cartoons and hot chocolate. The one that still likes to play in the dirt and climb trees. The one that loves listening to Christmas music in July just so I can feel the excitement of the holidays. The one that loves to learn without expectation that I should already know anything.
Accept the gift
Just when I thought my time with these joys was over, God gave me children – brand new little minds to share my wonder and excitement.
What a gift!
So when a little one interrupts my quiet time, rather than turning them away, I can invite them in and teach them what I’m studying or praying about. When I’m running late because someone is having a meltdown, I can take a few extra minutes to help them work through their feelings. When I start to feel overwhelmed by never-ending laundry, I can accept that the “laundry always wins,” as my husband says. Then success is everyone having clean clothes, rather than an empty laundry hamper. When we have a family outing, I can build the schedule with an generous amount of extra time, because everything takes twice as long with children. Then, success is positive memories, rather than a bunch of grumpy people making it on time.
Find the beauty
When I find myself longing for peace and quiet, a clean home, and a tidy schedule, I remember there is beauty in the chaos. But like the daffodils of early spring, that beauty is only available for a short time. If I spend all my mental energy mourning what could be, I’ll miss it altogether.
I’ll choose to embrace the chaos. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
1 Comment
Embrace the chaos is good advice for everyone nowadays! Awesome column!